Mine

Yeah, I'd held babies before. The two that I've spent the most time with are my cousins Anna and William. Anna is now 11 years old and is this crazy, athletic, awesome girl with the best sense of humor. A lifetime has passed since she was a tiny baby. William is only four months old and when he was first born I hogged him and held him as much as I could. 

But what no one tells you is what it's like to have your own. I've logged in a lot of hours with my little Jack bear. I've looked at his face when its 10 inches from my own while holding him when he is screaming and crying, while he is eating, falling asleep, blowing chunks, staring at me and munching on his hand before his bottle. 

Jack's face has become so familiar. I loved him from the minute we found out we were pregnant, but when he first was born, he looked just like a baby. Any baby. Every baby. He was new and we had just met. I didn't have that instant feeling of this is my child. For me it took some time. But now? I've memorized each squirmy and pouty and sad and happy and curious face he has made. I've watched as his eyelashes went from nonexistant to long and dark. I go into detail about how sad I feel when those eyelashes are soaked with tears. I've seen the milk come out his nose and I could tell you exactly what his mouth and eyebrows and the wrinkles on his forehead do when he's shocked at this and I'm wiping the milk from his face. 

I'm not sure when it happened, but it did. He is now one of the most familiar faces I know. And now he could never be anyone else's child. He's mine and ours. And I am his mom who comforts him and feeds him and rocks him and goes to him in the middle of the night and knows how to decipher the whimpers before the cries. 

And so if it seems like all I post are pictures of me holding him, its because I want to remember what it was like to be so close to my first child. My first son. My first time being a mom and figuring out what all this means. 

This is what I get to look at everyday. I am so blessed.