My take on this Mother's Day

I woke up to Jack's fussing. It was 5:30 a.m. on May 13, 2012, and I sleepily pulled myself out of my warm covers, reached into his crib and under his little blue blanket and held him. He was squawking in his sleep again - knowing enough time had passed but not knowing what for. 

I laid back down in bed, snuggled my baby in beside me and pulled the covers back over us. He quickly settled down. I did that. I comforted him. All he wanted was to be by me, I thought sweetly. Within a few minutes we were both asleep. 

I woke up again at 8 a.m. to Scott coming in from working nights. And then there were three; after a quick shower, another warm body was under the blankets with us. 

That is how my first Mother's Day began. 

I've never thought about Mother's Day too much. Yeah, I'd buy my mom a card and the occasional gift, but the reality of what the day was to her never really crossed my mind. 

But now it's my turn. And even though I've only been able to claim the title for the past few weeks, it largely makes up who I am now. I didn't realize how much pride comes with entering into motherhood. 

And that is the only way I can explain what today feels like for me. 

Pride. 

I am simply and deeply proud to have entered into this new realm and sisterhood of moms. I am thankful to  have been giving this chance and gift from my Jesus. Blessed to have my child have such a wonderful teacher and respectable man as a father and for me to have him as my husband. And I am so proud to be the one who gets to spend all the days and (long) nights with Jack. I've not just been given any baby, I've been given the only Jack Jonathan Kingston in the entire world and I do not take for granted what an incredible gift that is. 

And I am proud of him.  I find it humorous sometimes when I think of how many times I've verbally told Jack how proud I am of him. When he gets a good burp out all by himself, when he takes his yucky medicine like a champ, when he's hungry but settles for his nook (that he's not too fond of) so I can finish my meal. He has this little personality already and sometimes I forget he is only three weeks old. 

Now, I know that we are called not to be boastful or proud. But this type of pride, that comes with being a mother and wife and thankfulness and wonderment also comes with humility. 

Scott and my's marriage, and just marriage in itself, requires selflessness. I put myself aside to be a part of a whole. When I said "I do" I put my selfish desires away, as did he (or we vowed to do our best of this, we are human.) It no longer was about me, we were an us. And now we have Jack. I choose to care for him, just as I choose to care for Scott. But what I love so much about baby Jack is his honesty. Hungry? Feed me. Not comfortable? He lets you know. He demands humility of me, he demands me to be a mom first, myself second. 

And this is the whole reason I started this blog and wanted to document my journey. This is me becoming a woman of my family. This is me figuring out just what that means. This is a lesson in the balancing act of being a child of God, a devoted, loyal and trusting wife, a selfless mom and a woman of individuality and character. 

I didn't realize how emotional my first Mother's Day would be. Or all the feelings it would conjure. Every text and Facebook post of well wishes of a happy day bring a few tears. I never imagined my God would bless me this immeasurably. I am the least of these, I am undeserving. This is grace at its finest. 

Here are a few articles from around the web that have spoke to me given me encouragement today:

Remembering Mother's Day

Being Somebody

Loving Jesus

And a few quotes:

I didn't know that along with my babies' births would come a vulnerability that would settle permanently in my heart. That although the physical scars would heal, the karmic chasm would remain open and raw - letting in the extremes of the joy and pain of this life as a mother - unfiltered, unadulterated, unmitigated. 

I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me al my life. 

-Abraham Lincoln

Happy Mother's Day, everyone.

xoxo, 

-e